Motivation Is Low, Temptation Is High

Steven Jennings

(Note from Suzie: The above blog has been posted using screenshots from Steven’s email because I am traveling and away from my laptop. Thanks for your understanding.)

 

* * *

(May 31, 2018)
FEEDBACK FROM THE POPULATION

Its been about 34 hours and 15 minutes since ”the incident”.
And sure enough, I’m hearing a little chatter here and there
about it.
To my surprise, every person who decided to speak about it,
gave me props for not resorting to old tactics.
I found out that dude went around asking about me.
The fellas basically told him that I’m solid and
that I’m someone he probably doesn’t want to tangle with.
I also found out that others approached him upon hearing about
what he did and they told him that he was outta line and that he’s
lucky he didn’t get beat up.
Today, as he was going to lunch, we passed each other.
I probably shouldn’t have been looking at him.
But I was. My eyes were locked on his face.
We made eye contact and he quickly looked away.
A good sign.
I’ll never say another word to him.
As a matter of fact, I won’t even look at him anymore.
As far as I’m concerned, he’s non existent, irrelevant.
And I hope he feels the same about me.
I don’t need to be his instant Karma.
The Universe has something in store just for him.
There are certain Universal Laws that cannot error, such as:
Cause and Effect, The Law of Attraction, and my favorite,
You Reap What You Sow.
So with that in mind, I hereby forgive him.
If he apologizes, I’ll shake his hand and accept.
And when I inevitability see him stumble, I won’t allow my heart to rejoice.
I will embrace this situation and use it to increase my understanding
of what it truly means to forgive as I simultaneously strengthen my mental fortitude and self control.
As an Inverse Paranoiac, I must seek the positive within this situation
and use it to assist me in a positive manner.
No matter what goes on around me, I must stay the course
and rise above the negative influences. I must demonstrate
true strength as I impose my goodwill in the midst of adversity.
The way that man treated me reveals the path he’s on.
The way I responded reveals the path I’m on.
I’m so thankful that I didn’t vere onto his path.
Now only if I could figure out this marriage thing.
I tried my very best! I gave her my very best.
But it wasn’t ever good enough. No matter what I did, she always found something to stir up. I was constantly solving problems and coming up with remedies to the problems she was constantly creating. I felt like it was a sick game she was playing.
I tried to love her with all my heart. But I never quite reached that point.
Her constant let downs killed my love before it could ever establish
deep, everlasting roots.
I want to love someone like I loved Gina.
I’ll probably have to wait until I get out to find that type of love again.
Only time will tell.
Thank you for your love and support.
I feel it and it has an impact.

 

Steven Jennings

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Author: Steven & Suzie Jennings

She was raised as a Mormon, and he is a convict serving 43 years in prison. This blog offers a glimpse into two vastly different worlds that somehow came crashing together. Join them on their journey through prison life & married life.

4 thoughts

  1. Your strength is in knowing when to use your physical strength and when to use your emotional strength. You did great. We are out here – understanding without knowing. Stay true to the man you want to become. Much love and respect.

    Liked by 1 person

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