My Handsome Steven,
The connection & understanding that we share is beyond the normal. Your words are clear to me. So clear, in fact, that sometimes while reading your letters I swear that you’ve written what I’ve already thought. Your honesty makes my eyes water…in a good way…and in a new kinda way too. This whole type of relationship is VERY new to me, and you’ll most likely have a lot to teach and explain to me along the way.
I haven’t told my friends and family about our relationship yet. Earlier today I went to dinner with a couple girlfriends. Of course the subject of religion gets brought up. One of them says, “There’s no decent men out there. Imma have to go back to church to find me a good man.” I laughed out loud at that. Little do they know where I found my loving man. Definitely not in any church!
You asked me what made me click on your Prison Pen-Pal Ad? Well, I clicked on it not knowing what to expect, and mostly out of curiosity. I read a few different profiles before I saw yours. I had never read a prison ad before. At first I was surprised at what I was reading, I mean, these guys seemed like regular men. But then as I read more, all their words just kinda sounded the same and I soon couldn’t tell the difference between them. It’s like they were all given a certain vocabulary to use in prison, and a lot had that “crouching” pose picture. Yeah, there were good looking guys, and there were scary looking ones, too! I’m not into that whole “tattoo” thing or the “bad boy” look.
Which is what drew me to your profile outta all the others…your picture. You weren’t covered in tattoos or in that weird crouching pose. You were smiling and holding a real pet bird. I saw a genuineness in you. And yes, I thought you were attractive. So I clicked to see your profile.
I read the body of what you wrote and my first impression was that you were joking. And then I honestly thought that you sounded a bit conceded, arrogant, and a little too into yourself. It wasn’t till after I read what you wrote that I scrolled up and saw your title: Prison Sex!!! I laughed. None of the other inmates had written so bluntly. You were different. You stood out.
When I went to bed that night, all I could think about was what I’d write in a letter to you. I could not sleep a wink. I had to get up and look at your profile again…I was being pulled to it, but didn’t know why. I re-read a few sentences you wrote, trying to make sense of what you meant. I kinda felt that there was something behind those words you wrote, just a gut feeling. In a way, you sounded like you were trying too hard, and I felt an underlying loneliness that you were covering up by over compensating. I looked at your picture again and again of you smiling. Then compared your sweet smile to the picture of your “serious” mugging face. They just didn’t match. I felt that you were a man with many sides.
Then I clicked on the music video on your profile. Do you remember what song it was? It was titled, “Waiting For A Girl Like You.” I was shocked! All the other profiles mostly had rap, punk, and angry songs. But not you. Yours was a soft slow sensual song from the 80’s. I listened to that song over and over and over while looking at your sweet smile. Seriously, I repeatedly watched it and listened to every word. Your choice of song pulled me to you. It was absolutely PERFECT. It touched me. It flowed through me. It sang in my own very heart. It was beautiful.
I wanted to know you. ALL of you…the man who was smiling, the man who was mugging, and the man you were between those 2 pictures.
The next day I spent nearly 4 hours drafting my 1st Letter To You. I lit a scented candle, which I often do, and I wrote to a stranger…in prison, no less. I surprised even myself by doing that. I was skittish about sending you a picture of myself. And the way you asked for one was, well, kinda rude. With an ad like yours, I knew you’d be getting lots of responses, so I wanted to stand out like you stood out to me. So I decided to cut my picture up and send it to you in pieces for you to put together. Writing you was never about sex for me. At least not consciously. I felt something within me recognize you. Silly, but that’s all I can say to explain it.
My first impression of you was way off, by the way. You haven’t shown me signs of being conceded, arrogant, or too into yourself. You are so much more than I had initially expected. And you still continue to surprise me baby.
Writing you that initial letter has become one of the BEST crazy-ass risk-taking decisions ever! I can’t imagine what my days would be like if I hadn’t clicked on your picture.
I desire to be loved, just as you desire to be loved.
I love you, Steven. Very much. And I am loving our journey of falling in love and getting to know one another. Mwah.
My Heart Beats For You,