When I attended my first NA meeting, I was skeptical. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t view myself as an addict and I was only there to earn back the 180 days of goodtime I lost for smoking weed back in 1996.
I quickly realized my negative attitude. I knew my thinking was all wrong in that very moment. So I took control of my mind and forced myself to swich gears.
I applied the power of positive thinking.
I opened my mind and gave NA a fair chance.
After I did that, I then created a goal in which I wanted to achieve by attending NA. It was very simple: TO BROADEN MY PERSPECTIVE
This has become more than a goal. It is now a daily theme for me. I am learning to listen to others with empathetic ears. WOW! What a valuable asset.
By doing so, I give myself the opportunity to learn and grow…opposed to when I talk, I’m just repeating things I already know.
Perhaps I’m using this as to why I don’t speak at meetings. I think about talking all the time. But I’m scared! I get nervous. My heart beats faster. And I get very uncomfortable. As a result, I keep my mouth shut.
But it’s only the 5th meeting. I have nothing but time to overcome this fear and one day share with the group.
I bring this up because at this meeting we read from a book called “Just For Today”. The topic was “Being of service to others”.
I feel like my testimonies can perhaps be of value to a select few. I feel like I need to overcome my fear of speaking so I can share with groups of people.
I am inspired to find more ways to serve others. One way would be to speak in front of groups. But until I am ready for that, I can do other things. Such as, I can be super nice to everyone I encounter.
Trust me, easiser said than done! Especially here in prison. But I can do it. I am doing it. And now I am inspired to do it even better.
Because of my goal to BROADEN MY PERSPECTIVE, I realize that my spiritual awakening is progressing beautifully. I realize that I am constantly in the midst of recovery. Therefore; my actions should always reflect that.
My life is my message. Everything I do is part of that message.
Soon I will find the courage to verbally spread my message in front of a group of men, sitting in prison, attending NA. That is what all this is leading up to…finding effective ways to serve as I evolve and grow in my recovery and rehabilitation efforts.
Until next time, love the people around you and be kind. The universe will respond accordingly.