Once again, as I sat at this meeting, I struggled to identify with certain aspects.
Such as : “I’m an addict. My life has become unmanagable due to drugs. My entire life revolved around getting drugs and doing drugs.”
This has never been the case with me, yet it is the main theme of NA.
Then I realized that through out my incarceration, I’ve been offered heroin, meth, coke, LSD, weed, alcohol, cold pills, and spice.
It would be so easy for me to say I’ve only smoked a little weed, and I turned down everything else. But that would be a lie! The truth is, over the years, I have tried all the drugs listed above.
Until now I have been lying to myself and others about my drug use. It’s true that I’ve never been addicted to narcotics. I’ve only tried them a few times. Now it’s time to face the facts.
At this NA meeting, two things really stood out to me.
#1) NA is a program with a set of principles written so simply that I can follow them in my daily life.
This stood out to me because I have on my wall a set of principals that I have commited my life to. I call them “MY 7 FOCAL POINTS”. The 4th one says:
TRUTH– Always be honest and tell the truth. Lying is a form of weakness and will only set me back on my journey to self improvement.
As I sat in that meeting and really thought about things, I was actually a little surprised. I was suprised that after all I’ve been through, after all I’ve done, after all I’ve admitted to in “Stone City: Life In The Penitentiary”, that there was still one major thing that I swept under the rug and tried to ignore.
And that is my involvement with drugs and addiction.
Alcohol is a drug!
I am an alcoholic.
I have done a variety of drugs in my past.
I am an addict.
NA has opened my eyes to the truth.
I am now ready to confront my truth and take responsibility for it as I deal with this appropriately. And the first step is to recognize it, admit it, identify it, and embrace it. NA is allowing me to do just that!
The 2nd thing that stood out to me was a saying from a NA book called,”Just For Today” (revised):
“I will open my eyes to the possibilities before me. My potential is as limitless and powerful as the God of my understanding. Today I will act on that potential.”
Those very words have inspired me to write this post and to share my truth. A truth I’ve been hiding for decades! I will embrace my past and use it to make me stronger, wise, and helpful to those who struggle.
This blog is by far the best rehabilitative tool I’ve ever come across.
Thank you for all your support.
Thank you to my family for all the years of unconditional love & support.
And thank you, Suzie. My rock, my world, my everything. The blessings you bring to my world are incredible. You truly are my other half and I love you so much with all my heart!